Saturday, May 7, 2011

In the Middle of an MS Relapse

The usual Springtime allergies are worse than usual and the immune system kicked in, causing the MS to act up. I woke up to go to the bathroom at 3 a.m. and had to get there hopping on one foot as the left had no feeling and was collapsing.

I managed to get some laundry done and took the four-footed cane to the market for a milk run, but the left foot was causing me troubles. And worst of all, I’m feeling really bitchy. The glare of the computer screen hurts my eyes and I don’t want to see any damned inspiring posts right now.

No political discussions, no insights or imaginings. Even silent, it’s too noisy for my ears. I really don’t want to be around human beings when I’m holding onto the wall. Two doctors reminders arrived today and I don’t really care. I just want to lay down, not even eat. Don’t care about love and sex for once. Sometimes, it’s not really be stuff of life.

The wedding vow is “in sickness and in health.” I wonder if any of these men I had wasted time on would have stayed around for this? I am stunned that there are so many men that do, that there are so many women who are worth it. Have I ever been worth it? Not one of my men loved me and were proud to say so. How am I strong enough to do this alone?

Maybe because it’s easier this least for me.

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there, Susan, and give yourself the time for you that you need. I honor your pain, your challenges, and your strong will ~ the courage you have to live it out loud ~ and wish for you a better day tomorrow. (That's as happy-happy-joy-joy as I'll get on you, just now ;)