Friday, August 27, 2010

Reinhard Rule of Riting #15

Dedications Can Be Fun and Dangerous

One of the best moments of writing is when you are done and ready to dedicate a play to someone. It’s a small gift and a bit of a statement. “Talking God” went to my Niece, Patricia, as she is a dancer. as is the character, Bonnie Fieldstone. “Kinaalda” went to Paula Hoza, who rescued all the plays from her closet. “Frenzy Witchcraft” went to FXA, a man so charming, manipulative, and destructive that he makes Voldemort look like Chuck E. Cheez.

And then “Tutorial” is “For DB--Thanks for putting the “sweet” in “bittersweet.” Thirty-two years ago. WOW! And of course, he was easy to find on the $%@!*& Internet. So, I sent him a message. He replied, friendly, remembering me...kind of. I asked if I could send the play and he replied: “Sure!” And I did. And silence. And what else could there be? If he didn’t really remember, I was just a crazy lady. And if he did...I was someone he remembered painfully. It was meant as a “Goodbye”, so I had to then leave the room, stop bothering him, go away. I pray that he saw it as something good and simple. You deserve nothing but the best, Big Guy. Be happy the rest of your life. You have done so many good things for so many people. (Googled and found a thousand references of accomplishments. Can I pick ‘em or what?)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Reinhard Rule of Riting #14

Choose the perfect music, till you get the bill

One of the benefits of obscurity is that you can pretty much use whatever music you want because no one is going to see your production who can make trouble by calling in the Royalty question. I have been so obscure that I don't even know where Royalties are calculated, but I suspect ASCAAP is involved. If there is any publicity, you may have to change your idea of the ideal.

The strangest thing has been happening lately. People are finally reading my plays and are telling me that they are good. Even that sick m#$%@(* "Frenzy Witchcraft," which, DUH, is a masterpiece. It makes it really hard for me to be sensible and accept that a 61 year old cripple will never be produced. The only thing I have to do is get them to READ it, which, most play readers for theaters and contests are trying to avoid.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Reinhard Rule of Riting #13

The Internet--A Stalker’s Paradise
I have a television writer character in Bulldog called “Burt Oosterhaus”, who is OF COURSE, based on someone I know. I discovered that the newspaper in Albany has DOZENS of “Burt’s” columns from the 1990’s. And this one, strangely enough puts my feelings for “Burt” and “DB” in wonderful perspective. I quote from KN (the real “Burt”...SCARY smart and self-destructive.)

Words like "forever" and "always" spring more easily to the lips of lovers than to other people. There is something in the experience of falling in love that makes us comfortable with the never- ending - a concept that, in other contexts, can be terrifying.
But what, exactly, is pledged when we promise to love another through time? Are we promising our love will keep pace with the person who changes and grows and diminishes as the years go by? Or is our loyalty devoted only to an idea of the beloved as he or she is now, adoring an image trapped in a mirror long after the real person has left the room and gone on with their life?

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Reinhard Rule of Riting #12

Jump! Jump! Jump Around

OK! You might be having a reading of "The Talking God", or they might prefer the one act "Redemption". You wrote them both. They are totally different styles and headsets. In the meantime, you have to get jumping on the newspaper story "Bulldog", so that you have a brand new drama to peddle. Nobody in this one is allowed near a bed, that means you, male and female war reporters. I am not used to bedless plots. Also, you need to have a new comedy to sell, so start making notes for "Flounder on a Roll". BUT, snap! Back to "The Talking God", in case there's a reading. Learn makeup and lose weight so that you can get in the Saleslady Mode. Remember Mamet, Always Be Closing. Big purse needed for carrying scripts, remember that "God" costs $7.00 to xerox. And realize that the gun battle in drama "Redemption "needs clarification. (I love being a chick writing a gun battle.) Fix that page. Uniform color is wrong in Comic "Tutorial". Fix that page. And remember that you promised to read that friends novel when you no longer are capable of describing characters beyond "A tall man in a long coat, with a wide brimmed hat over his eyes, enters.) Which is the hugely charismatic and complicated Charlie Malone. Leave rest to actor and director. PUFF! PUFF! AND DO THE REWRITES ON GOOGLE DOCS, too. YOU ASKED FOR IT!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Reinhard Rule of Riting #11

August is the Cruellest...and loooooongest month

Nothing much theatrical happens in August. This is the vacation time. The blow-up-up movie time and YOU do not have one coming out. There are no contests. No reason to schmooze anyone with any power because they're off at Casa de Loco Lupo Whatever. You have to wait. There will be some signs of life, but they will run away quickly, their flip-flops flapping. You have to wait till after Labor Day. The Internet, I'm discovering, is the stalker's paradise, but if it involves a University YOU HAVE TO WAIT! Trust me. I have these 5 plays and I gotta just hear human beings read the words to hear what I have. But nooooooooooooo...they're at the Beach! And with the East Coast entering day 75 of heat above 90 degrees...they are not coming back till after Labor Day and then they'll be ALL BUSY with getting the season or the academic year. SIGH!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Reinhard Rule of Riting #10

To Steal or Not to Steal...That is the Query
As I dive into the monster "Bulldog", I am spinning tales from thin air, but sometimes, there's the thickness of reality. I have a television reviewer and I worked with a television reviewer twenty years ago when United Media created more than comics. In a review of "Thirtysomething" he came up with the fabulous line, and I recreate from memory: "In the 1970's, we marched down the street, shouting Dylan's lyrics: 'Something is happening, but you don't know what it you...Mr. Jones?' at the top of our lungs. In the 1990's we whisper it into the bathroom mirror at 2 a.m." OUCH! BANG ON THE TARGET! PERFECTION! WHEW! Men wept. Women offered their bodies. (I was between boyfriends.) And then, he disappeared into the wilds of the Massachusetts mountains, never to be heard from again 'cause he was a TEENSY nuts. I don't think he owns a television or a computer, but he probably talks to the moose. Can I then...use this line? The character's name Burt Oosterhaus is a play on the real name. I'll credit the character...BUT DAMN! That's a good line!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Reinhard Rule of Riting #9

Yes, I know there were 2 sevens, but is anyone reading anyway?

In many ways, blogging is indeed talking to oneself. I am stunned a bit by Facebook. I feel there should be one for happy, sunny, people. One for people who want to talk about every meal they have (and are really, truly disinterested in YOUR meals). And one for the nutsy, delicious artists that I like to hang out with providing they don't beat one over the head with causes. Since Obama failed us, I no longer care about causes. I now have a ton of material. I don't need to pay some theater's rent taking "Writing Classes," and am not sure what to do with the lumbering beasts I've created. I am happy that the young lady is having success with "Bachelorette Party", but the fact that they get drunk and hump strange men IS A CLICHE!!!!! TV writing done big. WHOOPEE!!! I Thank God I didn't write that play. I'll stick with my little State Trooper and writing a really great scene of his last traffic stop. They got Valjean, but they paid with their lives...YES! BE ORIGINAL! LOOK CLOSELY AT LIFE! DO NOT LISTEN TO THE "EXPERTS" UNLESS TELEVISION AND FILM IS WHERE YOU WANT TO END UP! Hey! It's fun knowing no one will read this! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Reinhard Rule of Riting #8


I had not been able to track down two one act plays, so I decided a little challenge would be recreating them. Alas, they ARE outgrowths of the trilogy. I felt bad about putting Riza through the hell of “Frenzy Witchcraft”, so it is actually MY “Redemption” and I wanted to give her a good man. I introduce Virginia State Trooper, the wonderfully named Christian Soldier:
Valjean Roland.

I run the procedure. Check the plates on the computer. Get out my book and pen. Unsnap the holster on my gun and place my hat on my head. I take a moment to talk to Jesus. I tell him that I understand that he believes in Peace, so it’s up to him to make sure this encounter stays peaceful...and if it doesn’t, then he has to understand that I have to do what I have to do. We seem to have come to terms with the necessities of my job.

I couldn’t resist thinking of the story in "Frenzy" of Rob Jr. being 16 and losing his virginity to his 22 year-old Tutor. It is, of course, called “Tutorial”. Could be a fun double bill.

OK. Let’s look at this Binary Table. There’s my first lesson...what the Hell is Binary?
(Serena casually removes her blouse, exposing her lovely breasts clad in a lacy bra, and picks up a tee shirt and dons it. She is barely aware of Rob.)
It’s a number system based on two. Each number expressed by powers of two by using only two digits.
Two. Right. God bless two. I just love the number two. You know, I am in the room and I did pass puberty three years ago.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Reinhard Rule of Riting #7

Drag Yourself Kicking and Screaming into the 21st Century NOW!

OY! Spent a day driving my friends nuts, but I have posted the plays on Google and my friend taught me how to turn the 20 character file names into short names. Talking God is now instead of the formula for making cold fusion. And I apologize to all the friends I drove nuts with messages. It's great that I can e-mail submissions and play entries instead of printing and posting (sorry printers), but I don't have all the right formats. (And don't tell this MAC, but it may have to be r-e-p-l-a-c-e-d soon.) Remember the first rule of computing: cheaper is always better. It may not work better, it may not serve the client better...BUT IT'S CHEAPER and isn't that all that really matters?

No blogs for a few days. Preparing for a Colonoscopy and that kind of expression will probably trump this till Friday. (The spell check suggested Cloudscape or Kaleidiscope for Colonoscopy. I wish.)