Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The Steady Drip, Drip, Drip of Reinhard

Side Effects: Whitening of the hair; droop of the breasts; wrinkling of the face; sagging of the neck; increase in belly fat; odd brown spots and skin tags. Do not take if you wish to get laid again or succeed in Show Business. Do not combine with alcohol and driving a vehicle.  Speaking to a teenager may cause rolled eyes and sighs. Loss of control of bladder, bowls and nasal passages is possible. Do not leave the house without checking for your keys and cell phone.  Stop immediately if you try to get money from your bank account and it shows the amount to be $0, you might not be able to get any older.

My last two significant plays had female Professors in the leads and I’m six months short of a BA and there’s not much point in worrying about it now that I’m retired and the colleges would charge the price of a small car for that one semester.
I don’t read enough and I watch too much television. This has made me peculiarly inarticulate, except when writing a play. And it’s particularly frustrating right now when so many people are saying so many uniformed, stupid things because they have discovered that they enjoy being bullies.

I’m starting to suspect, as I near sixty-three, that I might not make it in show business and while writing can be fun, it would be pathetic to hope for fame or riches or even a good review. “Any day now, I’ll get my break!” is ringing hollow when your face is fat and full of wrinkles and you walk with a limp. In my mind’s eye, I’m still that hot hippie chick with bouncing boobs, but when I look in the mirror, I see the truth and it needs a bra.

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