CANTO 4 September 5, 2011
Muddling through my first days in dormitory.
Figuring out the rhythms and having a date
Or two with a heavy set boy whose name
I don’t remember and whose advances
Then I met my first real “Hippie”, Bob Bolan.
Only, don’t call us “Hippies”…we are freaks.
Tall and skinny, dressed in fringed denim
With longish brown hair and such an attitude.
Playing something in some band
No one had ever seen, but mostly
Just smoking dope.
Supposedly a theater major but mostly
Just selling dope.
Through him I met the big pusher from Columbus.
The man who could get you anything.
Wearing a cowboy hat and mink coat.
As close to Pimpin’ as a white boy could get in Ohio.
I revived him in a play of mine called
“The Thirteenth Step”, and cast him as Satan.
But I didn’t get involved in any drugs.
No, never having done that with Bob.
Didn’t even have a date with Bob.
Didn’t know what Bob was doing that night
When he got me into his dorm room
And without asking, pulled my clothes off and
Threw me onto the lower bunk and put
Something inside of me, causing horrible pain.
I didn’t know that it was a penis or that he had
No time to say “no” it had happened so fast.
And he was furious, ANGRY that I hadn’t enjoyed it.
That I hadn’t acted like a “Real Woman”
To what? Being hit by a truck?
He threw me out of the room, still bleeding.
And if it hadn’t stopped, I might have gone to
The Health Center and gotten him arrested.
But it stopped and he never looked me
In the eyes again, refused to speak to me
And showed off a new girl friend who must
Have known what he was doing.
Two weeks later, in the shower,
Something fell out of me.
A condom that he had never even
Bothered to look for or think about.
And my daydreams and fantasies started up.
With renewed vigor and deeper stupor.