CANTO 3 September 3, 2011
I was over sixty years old when I understood.
All three major men in my life were college dropouts
Following a nervous breakdown.
Gee, you think I might have a pattern here?
But back in the day
Back in my day
We thought that every “fuck” and “shit” was rebellion.
Everything was good and clean.
Because we finally got that America was failing us.
Still, at Cleveland State, a boy handed me a copy of the book
“I am Curious Yellow” and told me to study it
I handed it back and never returned to him.
I transferred 200 miles away to Athens, Ohio.
I almost went home from Ohio University
My Junior year because it was all too new.
People in my bedroom.
People in the cafeteria.
People trying to be my friend.
I called and told my parents
I might come home and they said “No!”
Didn’t I understand that I had left?
All my things were stored in the basement.
I could not come home.
So I went to my first therapist.
Grad student, thought he was Freudian
And so, for the first time I talked and I talked.
And from there, started to talk to people.
And to men.
Now, I had dated in High School.
Dear, sweet, boring Ed Biebel who never
Tried to kiss me and had to go.
Dear, sweet Jimmy Hu, two years younger
And a Star Trek fan.
My parents didn’t want me to date Chinese.
Their bigotry cost me the chance to be Sue Hu.
Finally, M.C., the tall, good looking blond
That all the girls wanted but he asked me to the prom.
Which was a month later and I never dated him
Once in those four weeks, just danced at the prom
Took me to Cedar Point and disappeared.
I saw him years later on a CTS train platform
Hair dyed golden and gay as the wind.
So, I knew less than nothing about men
I knew less than nothing about psychology
At the age of 20, fresh meat at Ohio U.