Monday, April 23, 2012

ESSAY: HEY! GUESS WHAT? I’m old and I’m fat!

I understand that my family is not a slender race, especially as we age, but I know what I’ve been neglecting and where I’ve been indulging. I can’t use the MS a an excuse because I know that if I’m lighter and do my exercise, I can keep moving. One of the things that Boring* women do is that we use food as comfort and reward and it’s too late before we realize that it’s punishing us and killing us. I bring this up in context of the picture taken by an actress’s husband after the reading of “Amour Americain.” Even wearing black, I didn’t realize how heavy I’ve gotten and I can’t excuse my gluten free, dairy free diet because I haven’t exactly stuck to it as well as I should.

It’s especially painful due one of the themes of “Amour Americain”, which is that Love shouldn’t be about the shell, but the inner thoughts and philosophy and talents of the person.  However, another theme is Art, and I cheated a bit. Siriana, who is supposedly based on me, is younger and hotter than I ever was. There will probably never be an overweight actress cast in the part.  (And I sure as Hell don’t have a PhD or teach at NYU.) Perhaps the most honest thing about the play was that I based it on Rostand. In the rewrite, we must have more of Cyrano’s honesty in Sirianna’s mouth, as he knew he was ugly and I realize that I am not sexual or beautiful. I have a round face, which psychiatrists say is not trusted by 99 percent of viewers. (I could NOT sell you the Brooklyn Bridge, no matter how good my con; but you WOULD buy it off of someone with the right proportions to his or her face. This is something the advertising world knows far too well.) An artist, like Picasso, loves beauty and perfection, as well he should. Even my beloved Neruda took his inspiration from younger lovelies. I, the writer, was inspired by a younger man.

And so, Roxy (Roxane), this is another apology to you. You did see my worth as a person and you did understand my Art (and still do, as you have never interfered with the writing of the play.). You are younger and beautiful and you know what you want.  I hope you find her, Sweetie. I'll bet she'll be a knockout. Thank you for giving me a beautiful child by the name of “Amour Americain”. Please paint. Please write. Please make videos and songs. The world needs you to be you. And it’s a great way to meet chicks!

The twice a day workouts and trying to stay more active begins today along with the 1,200 calorie a day diet, and no cheating. I will not dye my hair and I will not wear makeup as I am a Feminist, but I will try to be more strong and healthy as…I am a Feminist. 

*Real Maiden Name


  1. Wow!!! Real Talk...I started walking (again) and when I did, I went to the end of the street and felt as sore as hell, got shin splints...LOLOL...Love are beautiful...xo

  2. Thank you so much, Janet, you are an inspiration to me. Before I got MS, I had to stop running because of shin splints, so I know. We are all beautiful, and with 2 million more women than men in the world, we have to see ourselves and appreciate it.

  3. I've been looking for the "like" button all over this. Wearing black has saved me for a long time, but I've realized just recently it doesn't do that any longer. ARGH! I just want to feel good again.... You go, Woman! Let's go Women!

  4. Start moving. Don't eat junk. The hardest thing is breaking the comfort cycle. I will never be 104 pounds again but I can do better than this. We have a revolution to win and let's remember all the people being removed from food stamps and starving in Africa.

  5. Well, it isn't at all about how you look, it's your health that counts.. and you can't truly be healthy when you are fat. It's just physiology. it has really been slammed hard to me this month, as my good friend, my son-in-law's mom..a wonderful, loving mom, grandmom, aunt, mother-in-law and friend...died, mainly because she was morbidly obese. We have all lost something this week, and even though I think she was on the verge of making a new start, she had been losing weight. moving out to the country where she would walk more..retired, no longer working with food...the saddest thing in the world is .."on the verge."